Emotional Stress: When You're Physically Present but Rarely Here

Why We Break Promises to Ourselves and How to Stop the Cycle? Every year, as the calendar turns to January 1st, lot of people make promises to themselves. They decide this will be the year they start eating healthier, exercising regularly, starting that business, or finally putting themselves first. The excitement is high, the goals are set, and the commitment feels unshakable. But by the end of January, many of those promises are already broken . Sound familiar? Why does this happen?  Why do we set out with such determination, only to quit so quickly? The answer lies in what I call unconscious coping mechanisms. For the sake of simplicity, I will also refer to them as buffering in this blog. Buffering is what we do when something triggers us—when we feel uncomfortable emotions, stress, or overwhelm. These feelings can be so unfamiliar or unpleasant that, instead of sitting with them and processing them, we unconsciously escape into automatic responses. Buffering can look like overeating, scrolling endlessly through social media, binge-watching Netflix, procrastinating, overspending, or avoiding conversations and tasks we promised to tackle. It’s a temporary escape from discomfort—but it comes at a cost. The Problem with Buffering Buffering happens because we haven’t learned how to process uncomfortable feelings. As children, we were rarely taught that it’s okay to feel sad, bored, stressed, or afraid. Instead, many of us were conditioned to avoid or distract ourselves from those emotions. Over time, this pattern became an automatic response. Here’s what buffering looks like in everyday life: You feel anxious , so you open the fridge and grab a snack. You’re overwhelmed by a project, so you scroll through Instagram instead. You’re scared to take the next step in your business, so you binge-watch a TV series. You’re disappointed with something in your life, so you pour yourself another glass of wine. At the moment, buffering feels like a relief—but in the long run, it creates more problems. The snack becomes weight gain, the scrolling becomes wasted time, and the wine becomes a reliance on alcohol to cope. These unconscious coping mechanisms destroy our trust in ourselves because every time we buffer, we’re breaking a promise we made to ourselves. Why This Affects Your Self-Trust When you say, “This year I’m going to stick to my diet,” and then you don’t—you weaken your self-trust. When you promise, “I’ll work out three times a week,” and skip those workouts, you teach yourself that your word doesn’t mean much. Over time, this creates a disconnect between you and you . You stop believing in yourself. You begin to doubt your ability to commit and follow through. That doubt creates confusion, self-judgment, and even more inaction—which, in turn, leads to more buffering. It becomes a cycle of making promises, breaking them, and losing confidence in your ability to achieve your goals. Imagine what it would feel like to follow through on every commitment you made to yourself. Imagine: Sticking to your meal plan , even when you crave something else. Showing up to every workout you scheduled. Finishing the project you’ve been putting off. Taking action , even when you feel scared or unsure. What would that relationship with yourself look like? How much stronger would your self-trust and self-confidence be? The truth is, buffering—or unconscious coping—is a form of self-sabotage. It keeps us stuck, erodes our progress, and prevents us from becoming the person we want to be. Common Ways We Buffer Here are some of the most common unconscious coping mechanisms people use to avoid uncomfortable emotions: Distraction : Filling your time with busyness—scrolling, cleaning, taking on new projects—to avoid feeling what’s really going on inside. Numbing : This often involves overdoing activities the moment discomfort arises. Common methods of numbing include drinking, eating, overworking, spending money, binge-watching TV, using drugs, scrolling through social media, internet surfing, or even over-exercising. Instead of sitting with and processing uncomfortable emotions, we turn to these distractions to escape the discomfort. Pushing Through (Being “Strong”) : Denying or ignoring your emotions entirely, convincing yourself that feeling nothing is a sign of strength. The Pep Talk : Trying to immediately mask your emotions with positive affirmations instead of first processing the truth of how you feel. Spiritual Bypassing : Jumping straight to “there’s a lesson in this” without acknowledging the real pain or struggle you’re experiencing. These mechanisms may provide short-term relief, but they come at the cost of long-term growth, trust, and fulfillment. The Solution: How to Break the Buffering Cycle So, how do we stop buffering and start keeping promises to ourselves? 1. Learn to Manage Urges The first step is learning to allow the urges without reacting to them. When you feel the pull to buffer (eat, scroll, procrastinate), pause. Take a deep breath, acknowledge the discomfort, and ask yourself: What am I really feeling right now? Instead of escaping, get curious. Let the feeling be there. Remind yourself that uncomfortable emotions won’t harm you—they’re simply signals. When you allow urges without acting on them, you take back control of your actions. 2. Make Decisions Ahead of Time The second step is to make decisions in advance and commit to following through, no matter what. For example: Plan your meals for the week and decide you’ll stick to them. Schedule your workouts in your calendar and treat them like important appointments. Block out time to work on your goals and commit to showing up, even when it’s hard. When you make decisions ahead of time, you’re acting from your higher self who wants the best for you—not from the version of you who buffers in the moment. 3. Build Trust with Yourself Every time you keep a promise to yourself—no matter how small—you build trust. You show yourself that you can rely on you. Over time, this trust becomes unshakable. You stop breaking commitments and start achieving your goals because you know you’ll follow through. Imagine how proud your future self will be when you stick to the plan you created. By managing your emotions, allowing discomfort, and honoring your commitments, you create a version of yourself who doesn’t quit—who grows, achieves, and thrives. Final Thoughts Breaking promises to ourselves isn’t a reflection of weakness or failure. It’s simply the result of unconscious coping mechanisms we’ve developed over time. The good news? You have the power to change this pattern. When you allow yourself to feel, when you manage urges, and when you make decisions ahead of time, you break free from buffering. You build self-trust. You follow through. And you create a life you’re proud of—one small promise at a time. The next time you feel the urge to buffer, pause. Acknowledge the discomfort. And remind yourself: I can handle this. Because you can. And your future self is counting on you .

Why share this insight?

In today's fast-paced world, stress has become an ever-present companion in our lives. We often find ourselves overwhelmed by the challenges and responsibilities we face, leading to mental exhaustion and a decline in overall well-being.  However, there is a powerful tool available to us: mindset sifting with the help of a life coach. By engaging with an outsider who offers fresh perspectives, we can effectively address our cognitive patterns and reduce stress.

Stress is a normal feeling. It is primarily a physical, automatic, unconscious, first response, and emotional reaction that people experience when they feel threatened or under pressure. Stress is a part of our life and is a good feeling in the right amount, as it keeps us safe and motivated to keep going with life's tasks. When people experience positive stress, they are stimulated, excited, and energetic. When stress is caused by physical danger, such as traveling back in time when our ancestors had to fight a bear or lion, the chemicals produced in our bodies to respond to stress were, and still are, beneficial as they give us more energy and strength, speed up our reaction time, and enhance our focus to fight or flee from the threat. Historically, stress was physical, and we needed it to survive physical attacks. Stress turns on the sympathetic nervous system, which is part of the nervous system and contributes to what is known as the 'fight or flight' response. However, in the past, when our ancestors were safe and the fight was over, the body would usually return to the pre-emergency, unstressed state and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the quiet 'rest and digest' system. Stress becomes a problem when the body does not return to the quiet 'rest and digest' mode. This happens because nowadays, the 'danger' can be a perceived threat. It is our perception of the stressor that determines whether it becomes 'stress'. Understanding the risk is more complicated, or simply put, people experience multiple or mixed life stressors these days. In some cases, the stress is long-term. Furthermore, everyone is different, and not everyone reacts to life's stressors in the same way. Stressors can be internal thoughts or external stimuli. The causes of stress can include work (such as job loss or being unhappy in a job), the death of a loved one, divorce, financial worries, getting married (positive stress), moving to a new home, chronic illness or injury, a traumatic event, poor nutrition, and relationships. Sometimes stress comes from within, rather than outside. You can stress yourself out by worrying or over-analysing, feeling fear and uncertainty, consuming media overload, especially when listening to negative news that promotes pessimistic and dramatic messages, where we feel threatened but have no control. People who are controlling, perfectionists, overly responsible, pessimistic, who compare themselves to others, and are inflexible thinkers are usually more prone to stress.

There are many ways to deal with stress, and it's important to find what works best for you. Here are some strategies to consider: Coaching: A coach can help you identify the sources of your stress and develop strategies for managing it. Coaching can also help you set goals and create a plan to achieve them, which can reduce stress by giving you a sense of control over your life. Talking therapy: Talking to a therapist can be helpful for managing stress, especially if it is caused by deeper issues like trauma or anxiety. A therapist can help you explore your feelings and develop coping strategies to manage stress. Mindfulness meditation: Mindfulness meditation is a technique that involves focusing your attention on the present moment, without judgment. This practice can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, which can reduce stress by allowing you to respond to stressors in a more calm and intentional way. Exercise: Exercise can be a great way to reduce stress. Physical activity releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosters. Exercise can also help you manage stress by providing a healthy outlet for tension and anxiety. Furthermore, regular exercise improves symptoms related to common mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression. Time management: Managing your time effectively can reduce stress by helping you prioritise tasks and manage deadlines. Make a to-do list and schedule your tasks, giving yourself plenty of time to complete them. If you find yourself regularly procrastinating, staying on top of your to-do list may help keep off related stress. Creating healthy boundaries: It’s important to create healthy boundaries in your life by declining to take on more than you can handle. Saying ‘no’ is one way to control your stressors. Diet: Following a nutrient-dense diet and limiting ultra-processed foods provides your body with the nutrients it needs for optimal health and decreases your risk of deficiencies in nutrients that help regulate stress. Be mindful of screen time: Minimising screen time may help reduce stress and improve sleep in both children and adults. Self-care: Self-care is an important part of managing stress. A few simple strategies you may want to try are yoga, lighting candles, taking baths, and reading a good book. Yoga is actually widely used for stress reduction as it may help lower stress hormone levels and blood pressure. Limit caffeine: High amounts of caffeine may increase stress and anxiety, although people’s sensitivity to caffeine varies greatly. Community: Having strong social ties may help you get through stressful times and is important for overall mental well-being. Spending more time outside: Whether at your local park or atop a mountain may help reduce levels of stress and boost your mood. Breathing: Deep breathing activates your body’s relaxation response, thereby counteracting some of the physical sensations of stress. If breathing deeply does not resonate with you, singing can also be helpful. Singing involves deep breathing techniques that can help calm the body and reduce stress. These are just a few ways to deal with stress. The most important thing is to find what works best for you and make it a regular part of your routine.